Been a some time I didn't post anything lately at my blog, uhm...
we are all busy right, you see? Yeah, you see I see ;)
Life's bad as usual. I tend to overthink and crying at late nights till
I get to sleep comfortably.
I always did that to release all my sad emotions and feelings,
the way I express my sadness and disappointments.
I'm not a perfect person too, I know I'm not a pretty person
in both physically and mentally. I always compare myself with
other people who are much prettier, which I wish I could just heck care about it,
but sometimes I couldn't help myself but to just entertain my weird overthinking
about my own appearance, which is ugly. I never had self confidence at all
ever since I am young. I hate myself for being myself, yeap.
But I'm quite happy and touched (terharu) bila ade jugak friends yang appreciate
our presence, its kinda rare situation to get that kind of compliment or appreciation
words, I love to see and hear people saying that. It's not only special one but a
meaningful thing in my life.
Shaa, remember I always be there for you even when no one is by your side, if you
need a friend to talk to, to hug and so forth, I'm here~ love youu! :')
Well, for my other friend which is the guy, I kinda felt disappointed, idky.
Time that I spent thinking about him all day and nights is just a waste and pointless
I guess...? Even though I missed him so much, I think he don't feel the same way as me.
(TBH: Im crying rn haha when I type this post...)
Hais what to do? Guys are guys, they only think about themselves.
I understand, I'm just a no one in someones life.
It feels good to know the truth although it hurts most of the time, haha.
I wish I can be stronger than ever.
Each time whenever I scroll thru the instagram stories and posts of my friends or strangers,
I tend to smile and frown. Maybe I felt a bit of jealous by looking at how close and intimate
are couples out there spending time together taking photos and selfies enjoying themselves
care free and loving each other by showing it in social medias, hais. I must say, I'm happy
for people like them, but sometimes I wish my life could be like theirs too? Hehe, neh it won't
happened. I know. Its' reality, fiqah.
Crying is always been a solution for me, when you talk to Allah, its the best solution to
talk out any problems you have in you, internally, externally, mentally, physically even
with friends. I admit, I felt like I'm no one's friend, I don't go parties, not invited to any birthday celebrations with friends, movies, dinner, lunch, library studying, shopping, lepak or any else except the ones I'm closed to.
Cause I'm a boring person.
I love to cry silently.
Yeap, I still remember my ex-supervisor advise, "Budak ni masih mentah".
Yeah, I know nothing ah basically, I am weak. I am stupid.
Sorry if my words are so negative. haha. Indeed, I am a bad influencer.
Even though I look nerdy af, I'm just a boring plain sandwich.
She has weird fillings (feelings) that no one could understand her?
She hates lettuce, so there are literally zero option for vegetables or tomatoes.
Drizzled with a plain mayo sauce but if she's on a happy mood (which is temporary & very rare!) she would be choosing the honey mustard sauce where she felt that it's the
sweetest moment part of her life haha :)
Oh mai gawdd what am I even typing...
See? I'm a boring person.
I hope this year, would make me realise that I'm no longer young.
I'm getting older and I have to think more wiser.
Stop hoping things to get done, don't ever give too much hope on anything, mhmm.
It will only makes me feel upset and disappointed which I get used to it already.
I should not be trusting people too easily too, like dad said "...people take advantage."
You may see that its normal but yeah thats how things work out nowadays.
People use you.
Literally.
So, I hope this year I could save up my money, spend when I only wanted to.
Especially if it is a need, I have to buy it.
Probably just don't care what people wanna say about me anymore, how do I look and so on.
I am tired.
Of everything, hurm.
Everyday convos seems lesser and lesser, sick and tired of getting boring old plain messages.
Same. Indifferent. Similar. Ugh...
No one in my family understands me I guess. :l
