#29 Buat selamanya atau seketika...?

Lama dah aku tak post kat blog ni.

Well, let's say hi to our dearest 2019 (I know its too late but whatever). 

Nothing's special, nothing new and nothing made me 'wow' yet.

All I ever know is "tiap ape yang kiter impikan, tak semue akan menjadi kenyataan".

Well said Suf.

I got more worse this year.

More sadness. 

More heartbrokes and headaches (mentally and physically)

But all I can do is cry,

cry

and cry.

Just to make myself cool.

But that doesn't help sometimes too.

I keep telling myself not to think or be negative tapi aku tak boleh.

The urge to break up is so real.

I just need a break from all these cryings, anger, jealousy, sadness and pain.

Please listen to me, awak.

So far, my school life, I hate it so much.

Everybody's faking okay.

I'm not kidding you.

I just wanna quit school and die.

If only I could.

Aku rasa mcm nak larikan diri je dari semue ni.

Biarlah aku sorang, mungkin ni takdir aku.

Dari kecik sampai sekarang, aku memang takleh ade kawan kut.

Tu pasal aku tak reti nak berbual, tak reti nak buat kawan.

Tak reti nak itu nak ini.

Always seeing people happy in instastory.

Aku pun nak jugak, tapi tu lah.

Jangan ade harap pun lah, thats just your angan2 okay.

The only way that can make u happy is urself, pika.

No one else can.

Walaupun aku memang slow atau tersalah buat ke hape ke, tak payah lah nak naikkan or tengkingkan suara please.

Aku bukannya budak kecik.

I'm your gfriend.

Takpelah, tu memang perkare biasa.

Just telan, senyum je mcm kau boleh tahan.

Yang sedih nye, dah cakap dah aku nak privacy dengan dia and kalau boleh tak nak 

dia jumpa dengan kawan2 dia lepas aku jumpa dia. 

Aku just harap satu hari nanti kawan dia bila ade rs paham yang diorang pun nak privacy time jugak, tolong lah...

Unless kau orang the type yang memang tak kesah pasal hidup pasangan kau tu, gasak kau nak balek kul brp nak jumpe dgn sape pun ape aku peduli, tu hidup kau bukan masalah ku pun 

- thats totally not me.

Aku dah cakap atau nasihat banyak kali pun tetap dia mcm tu jugak.

Abeh aku nak buat macam mana?

Aku block ah. Penat ah, pastu sakit hati pulak tu.

Aku rasa mcm tak guna pun aku jadi gfriend kau, aku kan menyemak je.

Sikit2 nk nangis, sikit2 nak sedey.

Bs lah semue nangis ni, so useless.

Kadang rasa mcm dipergunakan pun ade jugak.

Bila rindu je baru beria-ia.

Tapi bila sibuk dengan games dengan kawan-kawan, takde pun nak ingat aku.

Takpelah continue je ah dengan attitude kau.

Aku penat okay?

Aku pun masih sedih bila that time aku ckap yang aku jenis yang suka bagi gifts and tulis card tup tup kau balas, "but sadly im the opposite".

Mana tak sedih sia dengar gitu direct pulak tu.

And masa aku ckp yang phone cover tu is from tong sampah, kau nye response kecik hati sia aku dengar. He also would do the same thing which is to pick from the bin since it is still good condition. Like ew, pengotor sia.

Kau pun takde hati perut pun.

Pikir per, aku takde perasaan?

Tiap hari aku mesti je sedey

Tak pernah gagal

Mesti je pasal kau.

Walaupun aku dah try nak cool down tapi aku tetap tak boleh lupekan.

Aku tak tau ah mcm mana nak cakap lagi.

Tapi walaupun aku marah geram atau sedey aku tetap pikir pasal kau.

Tapi takkan nak tunjuk kat kau kan, its impossible gile la orang nak sedih tapi risau untuk org yang dia sayang.

I'll just wait for the next meetup, I won't ask for it this time.

I hate myself.

So weak for a guy.

What a fool pika.

Poor him. Got to follow whatever you want but he didn't get the freedom that he wants.

I might as well just shut myself out.

No socmeds, no hatred, no harsh feelings, no jealousy, no communication. Zero.

Will that be able to create peace between us? Maybe or maybe not. I don't know, I'm still lost.

Sampai bila aku nak macam ni.

Perangai macam budak-budak.

Merajuk.

Menangis.

Marah untuk bende yang bukan issue pun.

Cemburu tak bertempat.

Sedey 24/7

Negative thoughts, frowns, fake smiles.

Sampai aku mati kut.

Sampai aku sedar yang aku ni memang tak layak pun hidup kat dunia ni.

Aku tak kan pernah jadi cantik mcm orang lain mcm gf orang lain.

Get that in ur head pika, kau buruk, ugly nak mampus.

Kau gi mati je ah pika.

Senang, aman je hidup semua orang termasuk dia.

Aku just hope yang kau cari orang yang lebih baik, yang dapat faham kau.

Yang kenal kau lebih dari aku.

Yang tahu erti kesabaran dalam perhubungan?

Dan paling penting, saling terima kekurangan masing-masing.

Selamat tinggal, awak.

                 Bahagia Eza Edmond

#28 Lyfe

What's lyfe without pain?
Sorrow?
or even... happiness?

Getting all the things that you've been asking for?
(Haha sike...) You won't get to fulfill each and every thing you wish for.

How you wish!

But then I suddenly realise something about lyfe, what?
Lyfe sucks because...
Lyfe isn't always as good as it seems.

When we're having fun or daydreaming maybe, time flies so fast.
But when we're having problems or stressed out, time is ticking very slowly.
You know what I mean?

Temporary.
Yes, Lyfe is temporary.

You either make it happen or stay in that lane, where you're currently standing right now.

You remember those lines, do you?

Exploring igstories, found a couple of friend whom I perceived them as my childhood bestfriends... is just saddening. Looking at how happy they are without me, makes me feel sad and useless.

What is going on with me...
I know. Maybe it's just my words.
What should I do about it?
Keep my mouth shut, I guess...?

For how long,
till I am not able to speak, like for real.

I have always been quiet.
Not knowing where and how to start a convo with a friend, classmate or even anyone.
It sucks, you know?
Like I keep losing a friend, one by one slowly.
All because of my wrong words or actions I took.

I did apologise. But all those apologies are just apologies, they don't meant anything different for them. I could really see it. Everyone of my friend is having fun and living a happy life right now, but what about me....?

I always question myself, where did I go wrong, how can I talk to them back, how can I gain my confidence to talk naturally or normally to people... I just keep giving up and I do not know where to go to.

I don't even know what I am good at or what I like to do.
No hobbies. No lyfe.
No friends. Nothing.

So, in the end I ended up being er day sad and yup, depressed and all that overthinking stuffs.
I don't even read books cause I am bad at english, haha. I am not even a TV person or a movie-goers, I just watch according to my mood or if someone wanna watch then I accompany that kind of thing. Or if I really interested, then I will watch if not, I won't.

Lyfe has been hard in RP. I hate school, the environment, food price, the rules, the learning habits or homework lifestyle, everything even the modules or the course I am taking... just not my interest at all. What more can I do? My lyfe is empty without friends. I am just living my day passing just like that without having a thought to find a inner interest in myself.

So, get a friend.
A friend that you can really talk to, like naturally and most importantly, make crazy moments with you, laughing and be there when you needed help or being emotionally sad. It's very hard to find that kind of a friend, so yeah. If you do have at least one, just stay true with that one person, you will never know what she can do for you in future, she might even cry for you when you're living a happy life knowing that you're doing good.

Because lyfe isn't always seems good as it looks.
Look at yourself.
Don't look down.
Look up.

You've always been there for yourself.
Even though you're lonely and yah with no one else by your side.
You know that god is there.
He'll always waiting for you to pray to him.

It's never too late to be happy.
Get real.
Get motivated and move on with lyfe.
Although it hurts, you just have to suck it up like my friend said.

Fall now, gain later.
Talk to you later :)

#27 square one

Skipped blogging for the past February.
So say Haii to our friend here, 1st March.
Hoping everything's gonna be okay.

It's kinda sad.
Sad to say.
Something that I don't wish to.

Am I really a bad friend?
What did I do again this time?
What else can I do? *sighs*

I'm actually happy to see you happy thru your igstory.
But, at the same time, I felt being ignored by you.
Are you hiding something from me?
I'm sorry that I wasn't really focus or into the mood to talk to you
during one of the days. I was thinking about my test. Thats it.
I haven't prepared anything at all. That makes me think and think and
sometimes lose focus on what you're gonna say to me at Mcdonalds.
Hoping that by coming to Mcdee would actually make your heart
feel better. I know I got reject you before when you ask me to go out with you but
that's because either my parent is at home or I'm busy like legit.
But, I didn't know till today, why you have not yet to reply my ws, message or dm thru ur igstory.

What's my fault here? Did I do something wrong, Ana?
But what I remember, we had fun that day afterall. We walked here and there.
We share jokes, lame ones are mostly by you HAHA.
But yeah, what did i do wrong awak?

Its okay.
Let time heal everything.

I'm happy that my friend could be friends with you.
In case if you need any help, I'll be here.

Besides, it feels so weird rn. You've been absent for madrasah lessons twice.
Maybe you're busy studying for exam. Hm, alright.

Just a sad song to accompany my mood.

                                          Di matamu by Sufian Suhaimi


I hope you will stay healthy. Take care Ana ._.


Hampa plus kecewa,
Pika

#26 back to chapter 1 of a new year

Been a some time I didn't post anything lately at my blog, uhm...
we are all busy right, you see? Yeah, you see I see ;)
Life's bad as usual. I tend to overthink and crying at late nights till
I get to sleep comfortably.
I always did that to release all my sad emotions and feelings,
the way I express my sadness and disappointments.
I'm not a perfect person too, I know I'm not a pretty person
in both physically and mentally. I always compare myself with
other people who are much prettier, which I wish I could just heck care about it,
but sometimes I couldn't help myself but to just entertain my weird overthinking
about my own appearance, which is ugly. I never had self confidence at all
ever since I am young. I hate myself for being myself, yeap.
But I'm quite happy and touched (terharu) bila ade jugak friends yang appreciate
our presence, its kinda rare situation to get that kind of compliment or appreciation
words, I love to see and hear people saying that. It's not only special one but a
meaningful thing in my life.

Shaa, remember I always be there for you even when no one is by your side, if you
need a friend to talk to, to hug and so forth, I'm here~ love youu! :')

Well, for my other friend which is the guy, I kinda felt disappointed, idky.
Time that I spent thinking about him all day and nights is just a waste and pointless
I guess...? Even though I missed him so much, I think he don't feel the same way as me.
(TBH: Im crying rn haha when I type this post...)
Hais what to do? Guys are guys, they only think about themselves.
I understand, I'm just a no one in someones life.
It feels good to know the truth although it hurts most of the time, haha.

I wish I can be stronger than ever.
Each time whenever I scroll thru the instagram stories and posts of my friends or strangers,
I tend to smile and frown. Maybe I felt a bit of jealous by looking at how close and intimate
are couples out there spending time together taking photos and selfies enjoying themselves
care free and loving each other by showing it in social medias, hais. I must say, I'm happy
for people like them, but sometimes I wish my life could be like theirs too? Hehe, neh it won't
happened. I know. Its' reality, fiqah.

Crying is always been a solution for me, when you talk to Allah, its the best solution to
talk out any problems you have in you, internally, externally, mentally, physically even
with friends. I admit, I felt like I'm no one's friend, I don't go parties, not invited to any birthday celebrations with friends, movies, dinner, lunch, library studying, shopping, lepak or any else except the ones I'm closed to.
Cause I'm a boring person.
I love to cry silently.
Yeap, I still remember my ex-supervisor advise, "Budak ni masih mentah".
Yeah, I know nothing ah basically, I am weak. I am stupid.
Sorry if my words are so negative. haha. Indeed, I am a bad influencer.

Even though I look nerdy af, I'm just a boring plain sandwich.
She has weird fillings (feelings) that no one could understand her?
She hates lettuce, so there are literally zero option for vegetables or tomatoes.
Drizzled with a plain mayo sauce but if she's on a happy mood (which is temporary & very rare!)    she would be choosing the honey mustard sauce where she felt that it's the
sweetest moment part of her life haha :)

Oh mai gawdd what am I even typing...
See? I'm a boring person.

I hope this year, would make me realise that I'm no longer young.
I'm getting older and I have to think more wiser.
Stop hoping things to get done, don't ever give too much hope on anything, mhmm.
It will only makes me feel upset and disappointed which I get used to it already.
I should not be trusting people too easily too, like dad said "...people take advantage."
You may see that its normal but yeah thats how things work out nowadays.
People use you.
Literally.

So, I hope this year I could save up my money, spend when I only wanted to.
Especially if it is a need, I have to buy it.
Probably just don't care what people wanna say about me anymore, how do I look and so on.
I am tired.
Of everything, hurm.

Everyday convos seems lesser and lesser, sick and tired of getting boring old plain messages.
Same. Indifferent. Similar. Ugh...
No one in my family understands me I guess. :l

#25 That Fall

Heyyyyyyyyyyyy lama tak update blog ni lahh!
Eh... tak rindu ke?
Oh takpe, saya dah bese dah takde org nk layan saya (hihi)
It has been a long term break for puasa and raya too but sadly,
keluar jalan raya sekali aje... tu pun dengan cca mates, takde
sape pun girls yang I rapat sangad uuith
And then shaa pulak tu tak pergi,
so I mcm sedey giler ahhhh hampa u kno hais tapi apakan daya mcm tu lah
lumrah kehidupan perlu di teruskan, kan?
Then I also did not get to join my class's jalan raye
cos i gg melaka insyaallah esok hopefully safe go safe comeback lar har?
Hope that my class is happy and enjoying themselves too, hek

and sooo...

Kiter teruskan dengan cerita sedey hari ini. (suara cam berita)
Dilaporkan terdapat seorang budak perempuan bersama budak lelaki sedang makan
di sebuah restoran menjual makanan segera, McDee.
Di situ, mereka menjamu selera burger baharu yang telah dikeluarkan sehari yang lalu iaitu
burger "Nasi Lemak" yang mendapat sambutan yang amat baik dan yg jahat (pun banyak jugak sey) dari khalayak ramai.

Masya-Allah sistur!!! sedap u olls :PP
But my one (the burger) spesel sikit ah cos i minta yang tak nak ade cucumber or TIMUN.
Pasal i hate it. Legit, ah uh.
Then u kno lah i ate very sloe, mengalahkan si kura kura berjalan.
End up, dah habes makan tu semue, Tina and me left the place.
Leaving behind the tak habes punye aiskerim cendol mcflurry.
Cos kenyang and nmpk caer sngd takut nnti saket perut lak kan?
Pastu I just grab along my coke yang mcm 'untouchable' atau tak gerak-gerak dari tadi tu
(padehal dah minum sikit hokaay -.-, cuma yelah like i said jn i sloe tu jeee)
so that I can minum along the uuay
(ITU ADALAH PLAN DIA TAPI TIDAKKKKKK terjadi pun huhu).

Dah keluar pintu McD ajee terus Tina nak balek umah cos nak pooooo or bae (ohmygauud my bae nak baeruck arr hahahahah jkjk) :P
Dah duduk dah cantik dah. Until he said, block kiter kat sane lah.
Then I sedey ah.
Jalan lagi dan jalan lagi. Eh eh dah sampai!
Pheuu, dapat jugak at last tempat duduk cos tempat laen dh kene chop
dengan orang orang kat situ. ( Hmph :/ )

But then kan, oh yahhhhh I forgottttttt to talk about my back and my saket peruttttt
my belakang tetibe saket sey for uuhich idk y and houu does it come from sesudah saya and Tina
keluar dari McDee. That pain lasted till I sat on the bench bauuah block dia, huhu. I urut abit belakang sementara tunggu Tina bae kat atas. And then, I keep adjusting my seat tatau ah nak sandar or nah, tak sedap gitu ah.

After brp mins, turunlah si Tina dari lif block dia... he also sat beside me and (jgn risau ade divider kat that bench, hehe) then uh he asked is my back okay? smth liddat uh.
I agreed and then he actually nak carry my bag for me, (hahaiss suueet kannnn >.<" auuuu hihihi)
but i told him takpelahh auuak carry air ajee. At first feuu he refuse, but then end up setuju dengan kiter (huhu! YAAAY I uuinn :P) then i carry on uuith my bag letak kat depan instead of my back takut jadi lagi teruk kan? (hurm, i guess it makes it even more uuorst cos of the incoming insiden)

so jalan jalan sampai satu block ni dekat dengan sekolah rendah south vieuu!
Tetibe pulak my perut saket pulak. (Haduhai asyik buat hal ajeee aku harini tau ._.)
Then aft drinking that coke yang rase dah tak guessy sangad tu, I asked Tina to buangkan je ah cos I feel and think that the more I drink the drink, the more saket perut it can get tho... so better dont and just leave it kay girl, alrightttt.
Aft dh buang kt tong sampah yang terdekat dengan block tu yang near dgn lift jgk tu, uue then continued uualking.
Hmhm :)

Pikir nak tunggu bas,
so jalan lah sampai ke bustop
Tina pun periksa/check his fon and dapati bahauuasenyeee
13MINs LATER baru bas akan sampai
uuhich is so ridiculous, tak masuk akal mahupun logik >:(
so duh ofc apa lagiii? Kitorg pun jalan ahh dari situ and mybe thot of uualking
to lrt near keat hong or south vieuu but end up pun jalan kaki sampai ke sekolah haha
yeh i knouu like
UUHAT THE HELL (:
(teringat lagu tu la, avril lavigne)
(All mah lyfe have been guud but nouu ohhhhhh... uuhat the hell?!)
Dah jalan, pass by blocks sambil berbual tu kan tetibe... :')

THIs COMEs THE INTEREsTING PART?
Buuahahahahaha!
Elok elok dah jalan, i nmpk a puddle of uuater on the pavement and uuaktu tu hujann gerimis ahh but hujan ah, like duh hahaha. (i think uuhen i think back mcm regret pulak pasal tak tunggu kan bus tadi... shud have just uuait for it, kalau tak dari tadi dah terselamat dari insiden ni heiss)
and teka ahhh ape jadii lepastuuuu, ah haa! At first i didnt feel the ground sangd cos of the uuater puddle yang banyak tu, tetibe terslideeeeeeee then Tina nampak (aduh, paisey seyyyy heisss) :'(
even got one or dua orang gitu mybe nmpk kut. Memang tak sangka ahh mcm mne ntah boleh jatuh, haiss dahlah jatuh, seluarrr basaahhhhhhh, kasut selippery, dahlah bag kat depan, badan saket sikit... habes fon aku pecah internally the screen. Mmg ah tak rabak but still, oh hello there... its my neuu fon sey... I shud have uualked the same path as Tina sey haisss shud have avoided the puddle puddle -.-

Naseb baeklah ade kauuan ni yang uualk together. :)
Helped and cared for ehem, iqah. *coughs*(uhuk-uhuk)
sidenote: hehe :') uuuv u auuak! (shhh)

but yang bestnyee bila dah bangun and dibantu bngun,
bila jalan lagi eh ey nak terslide lagiii legittttt hahahah im not kidding,
im being serious yes srs rn.
uuell kalau tak caye tanye lah si Tina sendiri.
But uolls mane kenal dia kan haha :P
so paham-paham n tau je lah ehk hihi

so i really really appreciate and grateful to have him to tolong, accompany my sedeyness...uhuk uuekkkkk :'( also being concern n uuorried psl tdi :/
Thank you auuak <3, kalau takde auuak conferm dah tak telarat nak bangun thooo... (hurm).
so aft that incident, things uuent smoothly i think so? Hehe.

uhm like he said uue talked alot and became... closer?
Hm, good connection and all that, ah uh?
I just feel so happyyy that kitorg dpt sit together and manja-manja like he like to say ^^ (but ofc ah maseh ps psl tdi)

He so kinddd... (aaaaaa) sanggup urutkan belakang sikit :/
then he also thot of sending me homee but end up tak ah haha aft i called my mum
and told her the story, she then said jgn pikir sangad ...
(hurm hurm Tina pun ckp cmtu ah, shared the same thing)

uhm, ni secret tauuu uhm
kiterrr sukeee bila dia peluk my bahu hehee ><
(shhhhhhh nnti paiseyyy uh)
then uuhen he asked nak baring kat bahu dia ke tak,
then I baring at his bahu then he lay his head on my head uuhile looking at me, auuuuu!

Hhaaissss then imagine ahhh kalau orang tersyang korang
buat cmtu kt korang and said that he loves uuuu (aaaaaaaaa *tutup muka*)
heheee!

"uuuv youu & syg auuk" takleh lupee ahhh haduiii.. (chill pikaaa, CHILL!)
obv kitorg pun pegang tangan ah, feel so comfy uuith his hands :')
I love it bila he pegang my hands uuith both of his handdss aaaaaa hihihi omggg stop it pikaaaa stop it! Tsk,
but bila he asked to touch his hidung right, very funny ahh haha cos he aluuays like to make his bibir
close to my hand pikir cute ahh ha? (nk try lar tu ...)
seolah olah making that kiss emoji :* to mah fingers lel
but neh. HAHA
but he did on my hand. :(
idky he said takleh ah...
maybee cos he suka pegang tangan orang kut or suke sangad smpai cmtu maybe? o.O
but haiss se happy got to be uuith him :)

then bila dh gerak dari situ, he holds my hands :) :(
Idk to feel eggcited, happy. sad or uuhut its just a misture of feelings likeee bestnyeeee! but atsm takut ade org nmpk :/

I ofc laaa ps sape la tak ps kann then I keep on telling him ade ppl sane sini blablabla
just to avoid it, hehe (avoid from ppl talking about us)
so he is more careful this time by ensuring me to uualk safely on the puddles and pavements

haha baekklahh auuak ni aduhaiss ^^P

dah pikir nak naik lrt, end up terus je ah sampai sekolah...
then he asked ah uuhether nk pakai jaket ke tak
kalau dari tadi tanya takpe jugakk ni dah nk sampai sekolah dah depan
trafik light lagi hahaha kelakar lah budak nii.
tsk3
so dah jalan lpas green light turns onn, uue go to cca safely.
The end :) he oso kentut siaa in bilik cca euuuuuuuuuuuu hahahaha

sayang auuak tina, kiter marah atau tsk tu bukan apee
sayang auuak okayy :P tapi takleh ah tunjuk my clingyness
takut auuak nnti terjatuh pulak ke hati kiter haha actually
tak ah, takut auuak lari jeee hurmm :/

babaii!

#24 Malay Lyrics

Despacito - Malay (Girls Version)

Pergi, siapa yang katakan aku tak sudi

Jangan cuba kau bohong lagi

Benci, tidak pernahku lafaz walau sekali

Dengar penjelasanku ini

Pasti mengharapkan lebih darimu

Kenali amanah dalam hidupmu

Salahkah ku pilih yang terbaik untukku

Hm hm oh ya, sengaja cara ku putus tidak formal

Selepas ini mungkin akan lebih jelas

Apa yang membuat hatiku tertutup

Ku keliru 

Jujur aku katakan aku keliru

Sejak pertama kali kita bertemu

Ku fikir ku tahu apa yang ku mahu

Ku keliru

Buat keputusan yang terburu-buru

Terima lamaran tanpa fikir dulu

Sememangnya ada niat tuk beritahu

Jodoh dan pertemuan ini bukan mainan

Bukan senang tuk putuskan

Semua demi kebaikan

Jodoh dan pertemuan ini tuhan tentukan

Segalanya suratan

Dia yang menjadi pilihan

Pada awalnya engkau pilihan

Untuk teman kehidupan

Untuk bina masa depan

Untuk hari kemudian

Tapi bagaimana engkau ingin mengimamkan

Kalau satu fardhu pun tak pernah kau kejarkan

Tapi bekas kasih aku buat perubahan

Got up get up getaway

Dari segala yang diharamkan

Sehingga dekatkan dirinya kepada tuhan

Itulah ciri ciri yang aku idamkan

Berkesah berkeluh

Bila tiba subuh

Zohor ke asar saja kau biarkan

Dan aku doakan 

Kau temu keinsafan

Agar satu hari berlakunya perubahan

Berkesah berkeluh

Bila tiba subuh

Maghrib ke isyak

Saja kau tinggalkan

Dan aku doakan kau temu keinsafan

Namun sudah cukup aku beri kesempatan, sayang 

Ku keliru 

Jujur aku katakan aku keliru

Sejak pertama kali kita bertemu

Ku fikir ku tahu apa yang ku mahu

Ku keliru

Buat keputusan yang terburu-buru

Terima lamaran tanpa fikir dulu

Sememangnya ada niat tuk beritahu

Jodoh dan pertemuan ini bukan mainan 

Bukan senang tuk putuskan

Semua demi kebaikan

Jodoh dan pertemuan ini tuhan tentukan

Segalanya suratan

Dia yang menjadi pilihan

Ku keliru 

Jujur aku katakan aku keliru

Sejak pertama kali kita bertemu

Ku fikir ku tahu apa yang ku mahu

Hooo.. 

Berkesah berkeluh

Bila tiba subuh

Zohor ke asar saja kau biarkan

Bukan senang tuk putuskan

(Bukan senang tuk putuskan)

Semua demi kebaikan

Berkesah 

Bila tiba subuh

Maghrib ke Isyak

Saja kau tinggalkan

Segalanya suratan

(Segalanya suratan)

Dia yang menjadi pilihan

Inkognito

#23 Gloomy Days

Caution: First and foremost, sorry if its abit a little more lengthy than the rest of the posts😯😐

                                                             Hihihi *laughs evily*

Hmmm, been busy all this while...
Rasa macam hari-hari beban buat diri aku
Hari Isnin sampai Jumaat sekolah, sabtu rehat pastu ahad sekolah lagi

Padehal Sunday shud be a rest day tho (Haiss)
Dah la kelas dia pun start lambat; 2.30 to 5.30 petang,
balek pun kul 6, depending on the bas datang cepat ke lambat

Dahlah takde kawan nak berbual sangad.
Tapi naseb baek ah haritu ade jugak la tau2 sikit nama diorang

Dengan memulakan langkah pertama, toleh ke arah mereka.
Lepastu salam (Pastu three -.-)
pastu tanya nama.

Pastu.
ade syafiqah lagi.
Haisssssssssssss☹
Seumur hidup mesti ade nama sama dalam kelas
Tak sah kalau takde

Alright.
Then, at the same time, kene buat group per dari last weeknye lesson.                                                                                                 Tu pun aku sorang, lagi

Sorang lagi dan lagi
^tak tau nak letak ape

okeii selepas itu, diorang pun ckp "awak group dengan umairah and atiqah" (kut)
tapi malangnya diorang absent

and that was during at the end of the lesson.

So, redha je la kan.
Lagi brp minggu je dah kene submission.
Takde sorang pun aku boleh contact.
Ntah lah.

yang saat2 terakhir sebelum waktu rehat kat kelas, aku ade sikit ngantuk cause
too long la ustaz tu berbual, se end up terlelap.
tak sengaje okaii

lagi2 duk depan sorang heis
see the problem? duk sorang, ngantuk, penat

Rase cm nak quit pun ade.
Tapi, tabahkan je lah hati ni.                                                                          
Nak beli buku pun malas.
Mahal sangad ape kejadah sampai $22                            

End up pun tengok slaids (slides) cikgu tunjuk and ajar kat kelas.
Akak aku pun yang belajar pun tak beli buku masa diploma.

Tating perrr tadi ade philiphino lady call tadi kt matrix, "Halo maam guud morning"
*Its afternoonnn*😑😑 terus ends call...

Okayy patah balek to this, Diploma is life so tight.
Tapi takkan aku nak sia-siakan masa cmni kan?
Aku kene ubah.

Tapi pelan2,
cuma orang jer yang tak paham aku
hm

But pape pun
Allah tak kan uji hamba-hambanya lebih dari kemampuan atau ability mereka.
I believe all these have its hikmah and kebaikan insyaallah amin.
Susah2 dulu, senang nanti

===================================================================

Eh heyyy, Happy Moments!!😃😊

Alright, enough of gloomy and sorrows.
Pahit kan rasa dia? Lets cerita ttg Happy Moments! (WEEE ;)

Kalau korang nak tahu, harini birthday orang tuuu laaarrr
Shaa for short nama diaaa
excited gilerrr ahh
fuhh i accidentally press delete.
kalau tak ni semue hilang, naseb ade redo button (phew!)

And I tak shabar rasenyer nak bagi hadiah for herrrr
But hopefully she tak marah me cos I didnt buy her her desired bag.
and I didnt know where to find nice bag and I dunno
-Bruh

Luckily ade kawan baek hati kiter ni, tinaa ^^ teehee yang teman kiter last min haritu,
okaylah kan? Untuk beli smth for her ehem2, birthdaeeee!~
Thanks tina, such a great help ;) huhu💛

So, harap2 lah sangad2 dia happy and enjoy the small tak seberape gift and kad I
had made for her. Hopefully can create a smile on her face.
That is something I hoped for.
Her smile :)

Aight, kelas pun guud news cancelled tadi pagi.
Adelah terjegat kat luar kelas tunggu punye tunggu cikgu
takde dah 30mins sey

Pastu end up *ting ting!*
*whatsapp*
cikgu somehow last min bagitau kitorg yang dia kene pergi            
field trip and suruh kitorg buat quiz for 11.30am lesson

Kesimpulannya, lesson tak adeee~

eh heyyy naseb baek Mardhiah bilang yang Mardiana and Ryna
ade kat library jugak skrng kat all the way back.
Thanks.

Dah tegur.
Patah balek desktop.

Okeii ni random, nak bagi tina 5 pods end up
ah lantak ah kasi lebih haha macam yang waktu nak bagi meringues tu, lel
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SQUARE 1

Back to square one story below...
heis
sorry but i always feel left out
no matter how
no matter what and why

Dari first day aku masuk ITE, everything was fine.
Till today, everything changes.

Hmm, terpinga2 atst* tertanye2 jugaak
Am I wrong? What mistake I've done, why am I acting weirdly and
not normal like other people? Why am I lonely? Why am I so annoying to
people that who could not 'tahan' but yet feel 'serik' of my attitude towards
them. Question by question always play a fool in my mind, disturbing every single day.

Whenever I see any of my friends sad or angry or idk any negative feelings, I
always question myself, why. But obviously people won't want to hurt ours, so they
hide secretly the problem, which is my kind of attitude.

Dah cakap pun, tak reti nak ubah.
Cause what I know, I am the kind of yang tak belajar dari kesilapan.
True, I always keep that in mind.
walaupun orang panggil aku mcm2 mcm annoying ker menyesal kawan
blabla aku tetap dengan pendirian aku, kawan aje lah.
sebaik2 pun buat baek dengan semua orang

aku takde mase lah nak pilih kawan, tapi korang yang buat aku rasa
mcm nk kene.

aku pun malas nak layan karenah korang yang sikit2 merajuk.
even though aku pun kuat merajuk but heck care
se childish fer what...

sampai sini je lah yer
terima kasih semua yang membaca!
memang aku akan rasa guilty in every bad things I see happening around me
or things I do

I takleh elak ah perasaan tu.
Gratefully, ade rose, shaa and tina <3
huhuu at least tak rase bored or lonely sangad...

*atst - at the same time

To habeskan citer, layan je lar lagu kat bawah ni kalau bosan ker hape kan 🙅

--

💌signing off,

pika